TheSleepingGods

Hello, all people interested. I'm going to be moving accounts and no longer updating or adding to this one. Reason is that 2015 has probably been the worst year of my life and I would like to remove most association with memories of it. I'm going to be adding content to an account that I've had for yearssssss called

Feel free to watch me there. I'll be more free and more open with it.

I have an issue that I've been mulling over for...well, years.

I've been taking classes for years online for digital painting, art classes up the wazoo. And my style is still only as good as it was in Middle School. My lines are no better, my technical skills in all aspects are not improved in the least.

Is this the fate some of us are bound to? We have all the visions in our head, sure I can write a book or a story to put my ideas into the world and people's eyes. But I also have a burning hunger to see the ideas through paint, art of the hands or another medium.

This troubles me because as an creative soul it weighs on me heavily I have made no improvement in the last 14 years. 

I will always write, but when I have lulls I have the urge to draw. However, the drawings ignite a rage inside me that I can't put out unless I throw my paper against the wall. I'm not an abstract artist, that would never appeal to me.

All the books in the world haven't helped despite my constant drawing.

Complaining is finished. Go about your lives.

Who do some of us suffer from this? What sort of make-up dictates those afflicted with this constant knowing?

What is this depression?

It's a depression that comes from being utterly and totally aware of our finite existence. People that suffer this depression don't have the capability to just...stop and smell the roses. We're constantly striving for more, for better. It's an urgency that is in our blood, in our DNA that drives us to exceed and excel in the world.

And when what we're pursuing falls through, even temporarily, it destroys us. We'll bounce back, of course. But it's a killer, really, to be suffering from something so...unknown.

And there's no escape, because we're aware of EVERY second slipping by that we're not doing what we love with our lives. Loving the people we want, doing the things we want.

It's the main driving reason behind my network marketing business. It's the reason that I'm going to be building a foundation that will set me free in the future. So that I can live the life I want and create the things I want to create.

My life is as an artist, a creator. That's my soul and my destiny, I've known since I was barely able to crawl.

I won't ramble. But, I will become what I want.

So, big news for the 2015. Wilde City Press has accepted my romance novel submission and will be publishing about six months from now.

As a budding hobby artists I'm not particularly ashamed to say this; But I am very frightened that I'm not going to improve in my technical skills. The reason that I say this is not that I have been drawing for three days and haven't progressed to professional level. But because I've been drawing for 22  years off and on.

I can trace. I can paint over. But I can't draw or lines at all. 

So...here is my vow.

I am solemnly swearing on the beat of my heart that I WILL post drawings NO MATTER HOW AWFUL this year, 2015. And this is in hopes of progressing finally to a state I can appreciate being in myself.